GHOST OF CHAOS: GODS OF CHAOS MC (BOOK TWELVE) Read online

  I listened at the door to make sure Jeremiah hadn’t woken up and then tiptoed into the kitchen. Diana had left the place stocked for an army, and I grabbed a bottle of red wine and opened it, pouring myself a generous glass before heading to the porch.

  There was nothing I loved more than the crispness of these early Autumn evenings in Oregon. Especially here in the forest. Everything was drenched in moss and pure blackness, and I couldn’t see much further than the bottom of the steps, but I didn’t care.

  I sank into the porch swing and wrapped Diana’s wool Pendleton blanket around my shoulders, staring out into the darkness that surrounded the cabin, relishing in the rhythmic pulsing of the invisible crickets, sinking into the peacefulness.

  It was a stark contrast to my own life and I was so looking forward to the next week, with absolutely nothing on my schedule — no classes, no shifts at work in the city, no happy hour dates with friends.

  My days stretched ahead blissfully empty.

  I made a vow to explore the woods with Jeremiah. He seemed to know them almost as well as his Daddy, but I’d not spent too much time in them at all. The trails were well marked and I looked forward to tromping down them with little mini-Slade at my side.

  I sipped on my wine, the warmth spreading through my body quickly, my shoulders relaxing and my breath steadying, the contentment spreading through me as a slow smile spread across my face.

  This was the life, I thought, as I stared up at the stars.

  I sat there for another hour, lost in my thoughts and lost in no thoughts at all, enjoying the wine and the quiet. Eventually, I made my way to the front door, stopping just outside, my legs a little shaky from the wine as I stepped onto the door mat. Left over from Halloween, it was Slade’s idea of a joke.

  Scrawled in a creepy font, it read, “Watch Out Behind You”, in big, black letters.

  I laughed and turned back to the woods, smiling.

  “Goodnight, forest,” I whispered. “See you in the morning.”

  After walking into the house and closing the door, I turned the lock, the scraping of metal on wood echoing through the dark house. I stumbled to bed, slightly tipsy, and fell asleep with a smile on my face.

  CHAPTER FOUR

  HAWK

  My heart swelled as Evie closed the front door.

  She was exquisitely innocent, perfectly pure. Her energy was steady and quiet, and I could tell she’d be the easiest person in the world to spend time with.

  For a split second, as she turned to go back inside, a stab of disappointment pierced my heart, but I quickly realized that our parting was only temporary.

  At dawn, I’d be blessed with her beauty once again.

  In fact, I’d have her the day after that, and the day after that, as well.

  It was with unbridled joy that I roamed the woods that evening. I turned away from the cabin with bright eyes, my heart full of promise for tomorrow.

  Serenely, I soared through the rest of the night with the giddiness of a man newly smitten. Butterflies rippled in my stomach and my eyes sparkled with playfulness, as I frolicked with the God’s two owls, Oliver and Olivia, who had been my two partners-in-crime during these long, lonely nights for many years.

  From dark, quiet corners, I watched supportively as they hunted for unsuspecting rabbits and rodents, occasionally snatching a baby bird from its nest with their long, sharp, black talons and then violently tearing it apart with their piercing beaks.

  I never judged them.

  They were only doing what was necessary to survive.

  I understood that sometimes what you do to survive can kill other things.

  Life. Death. Sustenance. Life.

  See? It’s all connected, my friend. The circle of life.

  Evie and I, we’re connected.

  Maybe soon, she’ll see that, too.

  Oh! But what am I saying? I’m fooling myself, but allow me a moment, would you?

  There are times when I’m so lonely, I need the fantasy. I need to pretend that I could crash through the forbidden and show myself to someone — anyone.

  I tell myself lies but they are happy, harmless lies.

  At least I’m not hurting anyone but myself.

  I skip through the night, picking up little treasures along the way. A rock here, an interesting twig there. The trillium flowers are fading away, but there are still remnants of their blossoms from the warm summer clinging to dying branches on the forest floor. I gather everything of beauty I can find and leave it on Evie’s doorstep in a small, tidy pile — an offering of sorts.

  Excited for her to find it, I watch the day break over the edge of the horizon, waiting patiently as the faint pink light of daybreak grows slowly bolder, lighting up the day with the promise of so much beauty and joy that it makes my heart ache.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  EVIE

  Sunlight streamed through the window, as I walked into Jeremiah’s room to wake him up. I shook him gently.

  “Wake up, sweetie,” I whispered. “I made pancakes!”

  His stirred, his eyes fluttering open, as he smiled up at me.

  “This is why you’re my favorite aunt,” he said, his voice groggy with sleep.

  “I’m your only aunt,” I laughed, as he threw back the covers and hopped out of bed.

  “Still counts!” he insisted, padding down the hallway eagerly.

  He bellied up to the table and I proceeded with offering him a feast. I probably went a little overboard, but I figured we could eat leftovers later.

  “This is amazing!” Jeremiah cried, as I began to pile his plate with a tall stack of pancakes and then smothered them in strawberries and a big squirt of whipped cream. “Thank you so much!”

  “It’s my pleasure,” I smiled, watching him dig in with gusto. I ate with him, a much smaller serving, since I wasn’t much of a breakfast eater. I sipped my coffee, watching him eat and listening to the morning birdsong flowing in from the open kitchen window. “It looks like it’s going to be a little sunny this morning. Do you want to go exploring outside?”

  “Sure!” he replied, with his mouth full.

  “Good, maybe you can show me around,” I replied. He nodded eagerly. “Okay, honey, I’m going to get showered and dress while you eat, okay?”

  I ruffled his hair and went to get ready. Twenty minutes later, I was back in the living room and Jeremiah was dressed and ready to go himself, stuffing a backpack next to the front door.

  “I packed all the supplies we need,” he said. “Daddy taught me how to pack.”

  “Oh, yeah? What did you pack?”

  “Water and snacks for both of us. My compass. A flashlight, even though it’s daytime, just in case. A small blanket. Matches. My first aid kit. An emergency phone Daddy gave me. And my Swiss army knife!”

  “A knife? Your dad lets you have a knife?”

  “He taught me to be safe, it’s okay. I’m responsible. I won’t hurt myself.”

  He lifted his chin with pride and my heart melted.

  “Okay, I trust you,” I said. “Thanks for being responsible with it. Ready to go?”

  “Yep!” He said, his eyes sparkling with anticipation.

  We headed for the front door and I swung it open and stopped as I looked down. A small pile of rocks and twigs lay on the doormat.

  “Jeremiah, did you put this here?” I didn’t remember it being there last night when I went to bed.

  “Nope,” he said, kneeling down and picking up a shiny amber-colored rock. He held it up to the sun, inspecting the light shining through the edges. “It’s pretty. Looks like it came from near the creek. Dad and I go there all the time and there’s a bunch there.”

  I looked around, my eyes scanning the perimeter of the property.

  Nothing was disturbed. Not a soul in sight. Just a pile of twigs and a rock.

  “Hmm,” I thought, wondering how it got there. I kneeled down and looked at the rest of the items. A few bright red leaves, some mossy twi
gs, and the rock Jeremiah placed in my hand were neatly piled together. “Maybe it was a rabbit.”

  “Or probably Oliver, he brings me stuff all the time,” Jeremiah said, handing me the rock back.

  “Oh, right,” I said, relieved at an innocent explanation. “That makes sense.” I put the items on a table near the window outside and slipped the rock in my pocket.

  I locked up the house and we headed out into the woods behind the cabin.

  Leaves crunched under our feet as the loud chirping of a couple of stellar jays echoed through the bright blue sky over our heads. A slight breeze rippled through the few leaves still clinging to their branches, as we made our way down the trail.

  “I know this trail really well,” Jeremiah said. I decided to trust him and let him lead the way. And lead he did, with the confidence of a trail guide. He stopped every few minutes to point out almost every insect he saw. When he found a huge snail crossing our pathway, he stopped and insisted we watch until he was completely across.

  “Everyone thinks they move really slowly, but they aren’t that slow if you actually watch them,” he said.

  “You’re right,” I agreed. We spent the next few hours aimlessly tromping down the trails surrounding the cabin, moving almost as slow as that snail, as we examined practically every rock, twig, tree and critter we encountered. Eventually, we ended up stopping by a rippling creek for lunch.

  I’d packed us a huge lunch before making our breakfast and I spread out a tablecloth I’d found in the pantry on a big, flat rock next to the water and pulled it all out of my backpack.

  We ate like a couple of ravenous monsters, throwing grapes into each other’s mouths and laughing with glee.

  I took a deep breath, looking around at our lush surroundings and smiling. It had been the perfect day, and I couldn’t have asked for a better companion.

  CHAPTER SIX

  HAWK

  Grapes.

  I remember the taste of grapes. The feel of them on my tongue. The way the juices burst forth as soon as you pierced the skin, like the grape had lived all its life just for that very moment. It explodes, like a bomb of pleasure for the taste buds.

  I sighed, smiling as I watched Jeremiah and Evie laughing by the creek, not a care in the world. All day, they’d frolicked in the woods, as if the outside world didn’t exist.

  It was beautiful to behold, honestly.

  I was privileged to witness every smile, every cry of delight when Jeremiah found something new to point out.

  And now, watching them together, sitting and eating on that big rock that I often chose to rest upon on dark, lonely nights, they couldn’t have been more lovely.

  They were so breathtaking it hurt, if I’m being honest with you. And why wouldn’t I be honest? What would be the point of that? What’s the point of showing my face to you, now, after all this time, if I’m only going to lie?

  They say the truth will set you free, but really, it just hurts you. I mean, don’t get me wrong, it’s necessary, of course. But let’s not fool ourselves into thinking it’s some sacred mission to always tell the truth.

  The lies live in the shadows, but so does the truth.

  They co-exist there, waiting to show their faces, battling each other for the pleasure of being the one to ruin your life first.

  Oh, dear, I’ve gone off on another tangent, haven’t I?

  Forgive me, I tend to do that.

  What I was talking about is the truth. The truth about beauty.

  And how it can hurt you.

  How it hurts me.

  It hurts me because I cannot possess it, don’t you see?

  I mean, I’m so obvious, it’s a little pathetic, isn’t it?

  I merely want what I can’t have.

  Family. Connection. Love.

  But how can I have love, if I don’t even have a heartbeat?

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  EVIE

  “I can’t believe how cold the water is,” I said, watching Jeremiah run a stick through the bubbling, frigid water that I’d just removed my hand from.

  Jeremiah laughed at me. “Silly, it’s always cold like this.”

  I looked around at the trees, throwing shadows on the ground around us. It was almost four and the sun was beginning to set over the tops of the tall pines towering over us.

  “We should head back, sweetie,” I said. “It’ll be dark soon.”

  “Don’t worry, I brought a flashlight,” he said, his voice full of confidence.

  “That’s great, but the idea of walking back home in the dark, in this forest, doesn’t sound appealing to me. Let’s head back now.”

  “What are you afraid of?” He giggled. “Ghosts?”

  “Hmm, that’s a good question. I think I’m most afraid of the idea of what kind of critters are just waiting to jump out at us.”

  “There’s all kinds of wildlife, Aunt Evie,” he said. “The most dangerous are probably black bears, but that’s only if you get between a mama and her cubs. And you rarely see them at all.”

  “Is that so?”

  “Yep,” he nodded.

  “What about cougars? Or coyotes? Snakes?” I offered.

  “Nah,” he said. “But if you’re really worried, we can leave.”

  “Thank you,” I said, packing up our things. We heaved on our backpacks and started back down the trail towards the cabin. “What a great day, though, right?”

  “Yes!” Jeremiah agreed. “The only thing that could have made it better would have been if Mom and Dad were here.”

  “Yeah, you’re right,” I said. “Do you miss them already?”

  “A little,” he said, slipping his tiny hand in mine. “But I’m having fun with you.”

  “That’s sweet,” I said. “I’m having fun with you, too.”

  We continued down the trail in silence, the light slowly fading and streaming sideways through the trees. Leaves crunched loudly with every step we took, and I tried to ignore all the other sounds echoing through the forest. Birds called out to each other, summoning their broods to their nests for the night.

  We were just a few hundred yards away from the cabin when I heard a loud crack behind us. I froze, squeezing Jeremiah’s hand a little too hard.

  “Ouch,” he said.

  “What was that?” I asked, my eyes darting around in the dusk.

  “Probably nothing,” he shrugged. “We’re almost home, it’s okay.”

  “Almost doesn’t count,” I mumbled under my breath. My heart pounded harder in my chest as I heard the crack of another branch. “Seriously?”

  “It’s okay, Aunt Evie, really, it’s probably just —.”

  He didn’t finish his sentence because the huge flapping swoosh of a pair of broad wings cut through the air above us, causing me to duck and squeal like a scared little girl.

  “Oliver!” Jeremiah cried out with glee.

  I recovered quickly, standing up and pushing the hair out of my face just in time to see Oliver land on Jeremiah’s outstretched arm.

  “See, Aunt Evie? Nothing to worry about,” he said, his face awash in bliss as the owl perched on his arm. “And look! There’s Olivia, too!”

  I turned around just in time to see Olivia brush past my shoulders and land on a nearby branch, her big, round orange eyes blinking calmly at us.

  “Oh!” I exclaimed. “Hello, there.”

  I could have sworn she nodded slightly in greeting. Slowly, I took a step towards her.

  “Put your arm out,” Jeremiah instructed me. Oliver was happily sitting on Jeremiah’s arm, watching me. I did as he said, offering her my outstretched arm. She jumped right onto it. She was heavier than I expected and her sharp, pointed beak was right next to my face as she stared into my eyes.

  Unnerved, she seemed to peer right into my soul.

  “She likes you,” Jeremiah said.

  “How can you tell?”

  “You think she would sit on someone’s arm that she didn’t like?”

 
“Good point,” I nodded. Gingerly, I reached my other hand up towards her head and lightly stroked her feathers. She closed her eyes and leaned into my caress. “Wow,” I whispered.

  I’d met them before, but I’d never gotten this close to the two of them. Now that I was, I could see why the Gods were all so enamored with the pair. Diana told me they’d been coming around for years, first only Oliver, but eventually he and Olivia bonded and now, they always traveled together.

  “They’re amazing, aren’t they?” Jeremiah said, taking off with Oliver firmly perched on his shoulder now. “Come on!”

  “Um,” I hesitated, looking over at Olivia for permission. I took a tentative few steps and she stayed put. “Okay then,” I said, continuing behind Jeremiah.

  We made it to the porch and they flew off of our arms, landing on the roof and staring down at us.

  “They’re probably hungry,” Jeremiah said.

  “What do you feed them?”

  “Nothing really,” he said. “They hunt for their food. Rodents, mostly.”

  “Oh, gross,” I said.

  “Yeah,” he said. “Speaking of dinner, I’m starving!”

  I laughed as we walked inside, leaving the owls outside to fend for themselves.

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  HAWK

  Later that night, I watched Evie sitting out on the porch again, the lights dimmed, and nothing but the moon bathing her alabaster skin.

  She looks like an angel, I thought to myself.

  She was almost as beautiful as my beloved Catherine. I’d loved her and lost her, and it was so long ago, but I’d never forgotten her face for a moment. The longer I gazed upon Evie’s beauty, the more I thought about Catherine.

  Oh, how I missed her.

  I missed her warmth, her laughter, her sweet, loving caress.