SURVIVING SAVANNAH: GODS OF CHAOS MC (BOOK 16) Read online

  She opened the screen door before we could get to it, shaking her head when she saw me.

  “Just like you to just show up unannounced,” she said.

  “Hello, Seraphina,” I said, kissing her on the cheek. “It’s good to see you too!”

  “What are you doing here?” She laughed, wrapping her arms around me and hugging me.

  “Just visiting,” I said.

  “Georgia is a long-ass way from Oregon to just be ‘visiting’,” she said, eyeing me. I winked at her and laughed, looking down to Snake.

  “Later,” I nodded.

  “Cool,” she said. “Well, come in! D’ya eat yet?”

  “I’m good for now, thanks, Sis,” I said. “Just wanted to say hello and check in.”

  “Need a place to stay? Your old room is Snake’s now, but you can have the guest room.”

  “No, I got a room,” I said.

  “Why’d you do that? You could have stayed in this palace,” she laughed, gesturing to our parent’s house. She’d moved in right before they died to take care of them and just ended up staying once she got pregnant.

  “Just more comfortable that way,” I said. “Besides, this place is filled with so many ghosts I’d never be able to sleep.”

  “Hell yeah, it is,” she agreed, with a smile. “So, where are you staying?”

  “At the Inn,” I shrugged.

  She whistled, then looked out the window, eyeing the rental car Riot had given me.

  “The 17hundred90 Inn? And you’re driving a Mercedes? Oregon must be treating you well.”

  “It is,” I shrugged it off. “Work.”

  “Hmm, can’t wait to hear all about it,” she said, with a twinge of suspicion in her eyes. Sera could always see right through me, so I knew there was no use in trying to keep secrets from her, but this wasn’t the right time to fill her in on the true reason I was in Savannah.

  “Hey, will you take me to the park, Uncle Blade?” Snake asked.

  “Sure, if it’s okay with your Mom,” I replied.

  “Fine with me,” she said. “Be back by dinner.”

  “Yay!” He jumped up, pulling on my hand and leading me to the door.

  “Okay, okay, buddy,” I said, laughing at his enthusiasm. “Did we ever get this excited about going to the park when we were kids?” I asked Sera.

  “I did, and maybe you did for a hot minute, but the only things you ever really got excited about were your stupid bikes, weed and Rose Finley.”

  I laughed her comment off, even though her mentioning Rose stung more than I wanted to let on.

  “See you in an hour, little sister.” I kissed her on the cheek and Snake and I jumped in my car and headed to town.

  Chapter 10

  ROSE

  Soon, I reminded myself, as I made my way to an empty bench near the playground. Every day, I tried hard to concentrate on the future, but until the divorce was final, I knew I’d never be able to truly do that. So, guilt-free, I let myself swim in memories of my youth.

  The fact that I was at this park just spurred those memories on. Growing up in Savannah was a blessing and a curse, all at once. Being raised surrounded by the beauty of the live oaks and the weeping willows had left a love for nature in my soul that would never die. But the anonymity that was stolen from you by living in a small community left a mark, too. Every move you made seemed to be amplified and scrutinized, and I felt those bruises still, now that the entire world seemed to know that I asked Derek for a divorce.

  And that he was being hesitant about signing the papers.

  Of course, the rumor mill was churning, and so far I’d heard a number of outrageous claims, including that I’d taken a lover, that I’d been a secret lesbian all along, that I was only divorcing Derek to get half of his money after his big promotion to Chief of Staff at the hospital, and that I was planning on taking that money and running away to Mexico to live with my lesbian lover at a nudist colony.

  None of which were true, obviously. Only the nudist colony did sound a little adventurous.

  The truth of the matter was that I’d simply had enough of Derek.

  I’d spent the last few decades experiencing so much ‘Derek’ that I was up to my eyeballs with his overbearing, high-maintenance, selfish bullshit.

  As I trailed my eyes around the park, I stopped short when I saw Clem playing with a young boy. A smile stretched across my face as I watched them. I was struck by the boy’s looks. He reminded me of another boy, one I’d known a long time ago, who I’d played with at this very park when I was a young girl myself. Sometimes, it seemed like yesterday that I was as young as Clem, or even Maggie. But it wasn’t yesterday, and those times — with that particular boy — were a dreamy lifetime ago.

  I wondered where that boy was now, what he was doing, what he was like, if he was happy. It had been so long, I wasn’t even sure I’d recognize him now if he walked right up to me.

  Maybe someday, once things settled down, I could try to find him and reach out, just to satisfy my curiosity. Just to say hello. He was probably married now himself, with his own family, his own big life.

  Still, I couldn’t help but wonder if he thought about me, too, sometimes. I hoped he hadn’t forgotten about me.

  I sighed, shivering against the breeze, despite the sunshine. Thoughts of him always left me feeling lonely, despite the fact that I was rarely alone since having kids. Still, I couldn’t take my eyes off the boy Clem was playing with, letting those childhood memories sit squarely on my chest.

  It was like I could handle the pain of remembering, as long as my brain allowed me to never forget him.

  I wondered what my life would have been like if he’d never left. If I’d never married Derek. But I would never have had Clem or Maggie, and I have to remember to never think like that. But it would have been nice to have Clem and Maggie and him, instead of Derek.

  Shaking my head, I knew I was clouding my emotions, letting the past have its way with me, all over again. I needed to stop this if I was going to have any future at all, otherwise, I’d likely end up some crazy woman muttering to herself, roaming the streets of downtown all night, living in a fantasy world that only I could see.

  And that’s what that was, a fantasy. I clearly understood what I was doing.

  Sometimes, though, I needed to remember. Remember the woman I once was. Remember that I was once loved so thoroughly and deeply, and remember what that felt like. Remember that I was once worthy of that kind of love.

  Tears stung my eyes, and since I didn’t want Clem to see me turn into a blithering mess — I reserved those moments for my late-night wine drinking sessions on the porch — I rose to my feet to let Clem know it was time to go home for dinner.

  She was still playing with the boy — sitting on a log and talking, their eyes animated and alive.

  “Hey, Clem, it’s time we —.”

  “Snake, we should —.”

  I stopped short, my head snapping up, my eyes crashing into a familiar set of baby blue eyes. I blinked hard, goosebumps rattling my skin, as if I’d conjured up a ghost with my stroll down memory lane.

  “Hello, Rose,” he said, nodding formally. “I wondered if I would run into you.”

  “Blade!” My mouth dropped and I froze, as my past came crashing back to life right before my very eyes.

  Chapter 11

  DEREK

  “Fucking bitch,” I muttered under my breath, as I listened to the latest voicemail from Rose. She left one every day, knowing what time I had my daily meeting with the heads of the hospital. She called then because she knew I wasn’t able to answer, and then, if I called back, she wouldn’t answer her phone. It was a fucking stupid game that I was tired of playing.

  She was avoiding me, and somehow still finding ways to nag the shit out of me, at the same time.

  Sure, I could sign the fucking papers and give her what she wants, but I have no interest in seeing her gleeful smile as she struts around town like she’s on
a fucking cloud for having left me. She’s humiliated me, and if it wasn’t for the prestige and power my job affords me, I’d have been laughed out of town.

  Women in Savannah don’t just ‘ask’ for a divorce. It doesn’t work that way, I don’t care what fucking year it is. Especially in my family. We have appearances and reputations to uphold.

  So fucking what if she’s unhappy? It’s her misguided belief that marriages are supposed to be happy that fucked everything up in the first place. She wanted fancy dinners and flowers and diamonds and long nights spent making love and that shit just is not realistic, not in any long term way, at least. That’s for courting.

  And I gave her all of that, don’t get me wrong.

  I played my fucking part to a T.

  She’s the one that is trying to buck traditions and insisting ‘life is short’ and talking about how ‘unfulfilled’ she is, like she’s not just a fucking housewife in Savannah. Most women just take up yoga or some shit, but she wants an entire lifestyle change, down to the husband that’s paying the fucking bills.

  Fuck her.

  I threw my phone down on my desk before finishing the message, unable to listen any longer.

  There’s a lot of shit I have to deal with right now and the last thing I need is her going on and on about the fucking papers. She has no idea the kind of pressure I’m under. She has no idea what I go through every goddamned day to keep her, and our girls, safe and sound.

  No fucking idea at all.

  And, if things go the way I’m hoping, she won’t ever know the truth of it all. It would kill her if she truly knew what danger is lurking just outside of her door.

  If she did, she wouldn’t have sent me packing, that’s for sure.

  She’d be damn happy to have me around for protection.

  But I couldn’t let her know. It was too risky at this point.

  Things would just have to stay this way for a little while longer, nagging or not. I just needed a little more time.

  In the meantime, ignoring her was going to be one of my main priorities.

  She’d just have to stew in her misery a little longer.

  Chapter 12

  BLADE

  Fuck.

  I knew I’d run into her. I just didn’t expect it would be right away. I didn’t have time to put my guard up, steel myself, and throw up the barbed wire that I kept at the ready to surround my heart with.

  She was just there, and it was like getting struck by lightning — boom! — without any hint of an oncoming storm.

  By the look on her face, I’m pretty sure she was even more surprised than me.

  But damn, if it didn’t take me right back.

  Everything was the same — her face, her smile, her eyes — only she’d gotten even more beautiful with age. Her eyes held a wisdom that wasn’t there when she was on the verge of adulthood. And when she flashed them at me, almost accusingly, as if I’d dared to barge into her life so unexpectedly and rudely — it took all the breath out of me.

  I was grateful we were surrounded by mostly clueless kids, so nobody really noticed that time had come to a grounding halt except for the two of us.

  The blur of the outside world swirled around us, and just like before — it was the best feeling in the world. Rose always had a magic about her, an uncanny ability to stop the chaos that I lived with back then and steeped each moment in stillness.

  I don’t know how long we stood staring at each other — it could have been five minutes, it could have been an hour, but eventually, the polite greetings and questions formed on our tongues.

  “How are you…”

  “It’s been so long…”

  “Why are you here?…”

  The words flowed between us until we’d exchanged some small understanding and bits of knowledge, but I still couldn’t tell you who said what exactly, and then we were just standing there staring at each other again.

  The words we didn’t say spoke the loudest.

  Her eyes told me everything I needed to know.

  And I tried like hell to let her see my own answers.

  Fuck.

  I wanted to wrap her up in my arms, just like I’d always done so naturally and easily before.

  But this wasn’t before, this was after, and a lifetime had passed between then and now and the rules weren’t the same.

  Nothing was going to be easy.

  Especially pulling Rose Davenport into my arms, even if every cell in my body cried out to feel her body next to mine.

  When Snake pulled on my hand, tearing me out of the trance her eyes had trapped me into, I almost cried out in gratitude. I was drowning.

  After exchanging another big dose of politeness, the urge to pull her into my arms had grown to the urge to kiss her with all the pent up passion I felt for her that I’d forced myself to bury over the years.

  “It was really nice to see you…”

  “Glad you’re doing well…”

  “You look great, take care of yourself…”

  “Say hi to your sister…”

  A few more tugs from Snake, and we were walking away, and as fast as the lightning had struck, it was all over.

  My heart didn’t get the message, however, because by the time we made it back to the house, it was still beating like I’d just run a marathon.

  Maybe this wasn’t going to be as easy as I’d hoped.

  Maybe this wasn’t going to be fucking easy at all.

  Chapter 13

  ROSE

  I couldn’t even speak on the way home. Luckily, Clem was rattling on and didn’t notice.

  Reeling from seeing Blade, my heart felt like it would burst out of my chest. Our brief conversation kept playing over in my head, but it felt like a dream.

  As soon as he’d appeared in front of me, he’d disappeared.

  But to think that he was actually here in town made me literally sick to my stomach. I’d been so devastated when he left, without any explanation, so long ago. But after I got over the initial shock, I was glad he was gone. I didn’t have to see him every day and be constantly reminded of being rejected.

  I hadn’t thought to ask him how long he was staying.

  Maybe this would be over in a day or so and I wouldn’t even have to see him again.

  The thought of that brought me both joy and immense sorrow.

  He looked so damned good! Better than ever. What is it about certain men who seem to get better looking with age? I might have been in a dream-like state, but that didn’t stop me from getting a really good look at every inch that I could.

  He’d filled out in all the right places, his body looking even more fit at forty than it did at twenty, if that was possible. He’d grown his dark hair out, his face had a few well-placed wrinkles, and yet those bright blue eyes — they were the same, but so very very different. He’d matured over the years and it showed.

  Suddenly, the thought of him leaving without me ever seeing him again was enough to make me begin the grieving process all over again. I contemplated driving over to Sera’s house to see him one more time. Maybe tonight. Maybe we could talk. Take a walk, or a drive. Maybe visit Bonaventure Cemetery, like we used to.

  We used to have the best talks in that old cemetery, the long moss waving in the wind around us…

  Oh, but nothing was like it used to be.

  Not him. Certainly not me.

  I sighed, loudly, enough for Clem to notice.

  “What’s going on? You haven’t said a word since we left the park. And who was that guy?”

  “What guy?”

  “What guy? Are you kidding? The guy you took one look at and all the blood drained from your face like you’d just seen a ghost. That guy.”

  She was sharp for a ten year-old.

  “That was Blade. He’s an old friend. Someone I knew in high school,” I said, using my best nonchalant voice.

  “Right,” she nodded, eyeing me suspiciously.

  I turned into our driveway, eager
to get into the house and lock myself in my bathroom for a few moments so I could properly freak out.

  “Are you going to see him again?” Clem asked.

  “I don’t know,” I answered honestly.

  “Do you want to see him again?”

  “Clem, please,” I shook my head. “Enough with the questions.”

  She opened the car door with a sly smile, and laughed. “I’ll take that as a yes.”

  She ran into the house, mercifully leaving me alone.

  A twinge of guilt pierced my heart as I watched her run away. I shouldn’t have snapped at her. She wasn’t asking anything that I wasn’t already asking myself.

  I was just afraid of the answers.

  Chapter 14

  BLADE

  It took an hour, but after tinkering around with my old bike, it roared to life. Okay, so maybe it sputtered to life, but it was still good to go. I straddled the dusty seat, my fingers wrapping around the handlebars, and I felt transported back in time.

  This was my first bike ever, bought with my own money when I was just fourteen. It was the one project my old man and I ever worked on together, and I couldn’t be happier that it actually started up.

  The vibrations were nothing compared to my Harley back at the clubhouse, but it felt a lot better straddling this thing than driving around in that cage of a Mercedes.

  This was a lot more comfortable.

  This was me.

  My old leather jacket was still in the closet, too, and while it was a little tight in the shoulders and arms, it fit well enough to wear.

  I was looking forward to a long ride through the city tonight. It was time I came to terms with the ghosts of this town and if that meant exposing myself to as much of the past as possible, then so be it.

  Seeing Rose had thrown me for a loop and a little bit of open-air therapy would do me good.

  My phone rang as I was cleaning up and when I saw it was Ryder, I answered right away.