SURVIVING SAVANNAH: GODS OF CHAOS MC (BOOK 16) Read online

  He’d left me. Without a word, without an explanation. He broke my heart and it took me years to put it back together. But I’d never stopped wanting him. I knew I never would.

  “I didn’t come here for this, Rose,” he said. “I didn’t mean to kiss you. I just couldn’t…stop…”

  I nodded, “I know.”

  “You must hate me.” His eyes were full of sincerity and regret. “I never meant to leave you. I mean,” he shook his head, running a hand through his hair again. “I just never thought things would go the way they did.”

  “I was mad at first. You broke my heart, Blade.”

  “I know,” he nodded.

  “I wanted to hate you.”

  “I can’t blame you,” he said.

  “But I never really did. And I don’t now.”

  “Why not? I don’t deserve your forgiveness.”

  “Because I love you, Blade,” I said. “I loved you then. I love you now. I’ll never stop, I suppose. I tried, don’t get me wrong!” I cried, my voice cracking. “I tried to hate you for so long. But it never lasted. In the end, I’ve always wanted you and I’ve missed you every fucking day.”

  If he’d shown up a year ago, I’d never have said that to him. But now, after all I’d been through with leaving Derek, I had nothing left to lose. Why should I lie about my feelings, as crazy as they may be? I just didn’t care anymore. I was tired of being someone I wasn’t.

  His face softened with surprise, then slowly hardened back into desire as he closed the distance between us again.

  His lips met mine, soft and gentle and full of pent up desire that washed over me like a hurricane as his kiss turned hard and purposeful.

  After that, we didn’t need words.

  Our bodies said it all, a long conversation between old friends that had never lost the connection that flowed so strongly between them.

  His hands became part of my flesh, rushing over my skin, a river of pleasure that flowed through every inch of my being. The heat built between us until it was a wildfire of emotion ripping through us, and as I kissed him back, I knew that I’d never get enough of him.

  His body was new, but the man under the skin and muscles and bones was the same man I’d always loved, the only man I’d ever truly loved.

  I had no idea why he was here.

  All I knew was I needed him not to leave. Not just yet. Not until I had the chance to feel his body against mine again, to feel him inside me one more time.

  As he kissed me so deeply, so longingly, it was clear nothing else mattered in that moment.

  I reached back, grabbing his hand and pulling him behind me as I led him to my bedroom. After Derek left, I’d bought all new furniture and bedding, removing any pictures or keepsakes that reminded me of him, wanting nothing of him left in my space, and I now understood exactly why.

  Blade took a quick look around before turning his attention back to me, his lips falling again on mine, his hands everywhere, pushing and pulling at the clothes between us. I reached down, grabbing the hem of his shirt and pulling it over his shoulders, gasping at the sight in front of me.

  He was slathered in tattoos that weren’t there before, his skin etched with roses and leaves and animal skulls in such a gorgeous tapestry that I wanted to trace each line with my finger, studying every shadow and color.

  “Oh!” I cried out, my eyes welling up as I saw the tattoo over his heart. A bright pink rose was etched into his skin, the word ‘Rose’ scrawled across the top.

  “Blade, I…” My words trailed off as I met his gaze, shaking my head.

  “I never fucking forgot you,” he growled, his fingers reaching up and sinking into my hair, pulling my mouth up to meet his. He kissed me hungrily, devouring my words, capturing my tears.

  My fingers splayed out over his chest, my palm running over his rippling muscles. His smooth, taut inked skin was like an artfully painted canvas. I slid my hand down to his jeans, breaking the kiss, my gaze meeting his again, the heat flowing between us as I unsnapped the top button.

  He growled, his lips parting as he held my gaze, his stomach muscles twitching under my touch. I traced a fingertip along the thin trail of hair leading into his jeans, the softness taking my breath away.

  “Rose,” he growled, reaching down quickly and grabbing my hand before I could unbutton the rest of his fly. He turned my hand around, his lips landing in my palm, hot and hungry, his eyes an inferno of desire, a warning of danger that I couldn’t help but crave.

  “Are you sure?” he whispered.

  “Please, Blade,” I said. “I’ve missed you…”

  He kissed me again, this time hot and hungry and hard. I wrapped myself around his naked torso, before growing frustrated at the silk of my blouse between us. I broke away, pulling back and reaching for my blouse to pull it off. He watched, holding his breath, his hands hot against my skin as soon as it was exposed. He reached down to unlatch the clasp on my bra, pushing it away as he pressed me to his chest, his mouth latching onto mine again, the feel of his skin against mine a divine satisfaction that caused me to whimper against his mouth.

  Gently, he pushed me back onto the bed, standing over me as he kicked off his boots and pushed down his jeans. Transfixed, I watched his cock come into view, throbbing and hard, a promise of pleasure that I’d not had in years.

  He wasted no time hovering back over me, his long dark hair falling over us like a curtain of privacy, locking us into an intimacy that left me breathless.

  His kisses slid over my cheek, trailing down to my neck and leaving feathery brushes against my skin that caused me to shudder with desire.

  ‘I’ve loved you every day of my life,” he growled into my ear, pressing his cock into my center.

  Chapter 28

  BLADE

  Sinking into her was like melting into heaven.

  This is what life is about. This is what I’d missed so deeply.

  This is what I should have been doing all my life — loving Rose.

  I wanted to give her everything I’d neglected to give her all those years. All the wasted time, the lost love, the memories we didn’t get to make — I wanted to make it up to her all at once.

  But all I had to offer was my body.

  Right here. Right now.

  Nothing more.

  I had nothing else to give this beautiful woman, and we both knew that life requires so much more than just that.

  But this was only a stolen moment in time.

  This was all we had. This would probably be all we ever had.

  I pressed into her warmth, her sweetness surrounding me, engulfing me, welcoming me like I’d finally come home.

  Her soft sighs and moans and the way she wrapped her naked thighs around my hips, pulling me in as deeply as she could, left me shuddering with desire.

  I pushed into her harder, needing to be as close as I could be to her. Needing more and more of her, until I was slamming into her, sliding smoothly against her soft wetness, the quivering of her heated center engulfing me and unleashing this intense savage need that I’d kept bottled up inside of me for years.

  Harder and harder, I pounded myself into her, my mouth searching hers, searching for everything I’d missed for so very long.

  I’d repressed a lifetime of emotion, of need, of love, and it all came rushing to the surface, causing me to take Rose like a starved madman. I lost myself in her flesh, my body ripping into hers violently, as she held onto me and opened herself up to my hunger, welcoming my unleashed passion with a fury of her own.

  Like a storm of raging ecstasy, I devoured her flesh until I was seized by a sudden release, my heat searing her quivering center, her thighs clenching around my hips as she cried out.

  I growled with a savage pleasure that ripped from my throat, my body left spent and weak as I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her close, my mouth finding hers again, seeking the refuge I never wanted to be without again.

  Chapter 29

  RO
SE

  Silence fell over us as we lay together, the late afternoon sunlight streaming through my white lace curtains.

  Somehow, I felt awkward and comfortable, all the same time. I wanted to lie in his arms forever, and yet I felt like there was so much left unsaid between us, and the words hung heavy in the air around us.

  I waited for him to speak while I caught my breath and let my flesh remember that it was indeed its own entity. I’d melted into him like hot butter on bread and I had to remind myself that he wasn’t mine.

  He was never mine.

  Oh, maybe a long, long time ago when we were practically children. But now we were adults and those hands belonged to him. Those eyes that caused me to tremble every time they looked at me were his, not mine. That body he’d used to give me so much pleasure had only been lent to me briefly.

  Soon, he’d be gone, just like he’d been gone before he showed back up out of nowhere. I realized that I really knew nothing much about where he’d gone. Or why he’d left. I’d been swimming in so many unanswered questions for so long that I finally gave up needing the answers.

  All I ever needed was him.

  So, when he walked back in, I didn’t stop to ask those same questions that I’d been asking over and over. The answers never really mattered.

  What mattered was if his eyes still dilated when he looked at me.

  What mattered was if my heart would still skip a beat when he kissed me.

  What mattered was if our bodies still fit together like two long-lost puzzle pieces when we put them back together again.

  And now that I knew what all of that felt like again, it validated all those years I’d spent wondering. I hadn’t wasted my time yearning for him. What we had together was real, and true, and it wasn’t just a schoolgirl’s fantasy.

  A connection like this is undying, undeniable.

  At least I knew that now. I knew I’d always been right about Blade.

  I’d been right to trust my feelings.

  I turned to him, smiling into his eyes, his kiss soft and sweet as he pulled me close. I snuggled up against him, reveling in the feel of his solid chest, his massive arms wrapped tightly around me.

  “Why did you come here?” I asked, finally.

  “You mean this afternoon? Now?”

  “Yes.”

  He hesitated and I felt his body stiffen slightly, which alarmed me. Lifting my head, I looked up at him and saw reluctance in his eyes.

  “Is something wrong?”

  “Maybe we should get dressed for this conversation,” he whispered.

  The spell broken, I untangled myself from his embrace and stood staring down at him, his massive body wrapped in my grandmother’s patchwork quilt.

  “Tell me,” I demanded, grabbing a t-shirt from my dresser and pulling it over my body.

  He sat up, shaking his head. “Gimme a minute,” he growled.

  He pulled himself out of bed and slid on his jeans, which made me regret having asked anything at all once I couldn’t see all of his body anymore. If he hadn’t alarmed me so much with his answer, I may have taken the question back completely, if I could do so.

  When he was standing in front of me with his fly respectfully buttoned up, he looked over at me seriously.

  “I wanted to talk to you about Maggie.”

  “Maggie?” I asked, confused. “What about her?”

  “Well, she’s about to be eighteen, right?”

  “Yes,” I nodded.

  “Well, do you know where she is? Like, exactly? Right now?”

  “School’s out by now, so she’s with her friends, Blade. Do you want to tell me what this is all about?”

  “I’m just saying, with everything going on, with some asshole out there killing girls, it might be a good idea to keep a closer eye on her.”

  I cocked my head, trying to make sense of what he was saying.

  “A closer eye?” I repeated. Had he come here to criticize my parenting? Maggie was a handful sometimes, but she was a good kid. I didn’t feel the need to be a helicopter parent and she was, indeed, almost eighteen. She was perfectly capable of taking care of herself. She got great grades in school, she was active and social, I wasn’t really too worried about her, other than what effect the divorce was having on her relationship with Derek.

  “I don’t understand,” I said, finally. I grabbed a pair of shorts and slid them over my thighs. “You came here to tell me to keep a better eye on my kid?”

  “No, not exactly. But sort of. I’m just saying, kids do stupid shit. We certainly did.” He flashed me a sheepish smile.

  “Maggie isn’t me. And she’s a good girl. Also, I’m a phone call away if she needs me. I don’t think I need to worry about her, unless there’s something you aren’t telling me?”

  He ran a hand through his hair, and I swallowed hard. He was still standing there without a shirt on, and I could still feel him inside me, feel his tongue on mine, feel his hands sliding over my skin, and yet irritation was settling in and I hated it.

  “No, no, no,” he said, shaking his head.

  I shook my head, trying to understand what he was trying to tell me.

  “That’s why you came here?” I demanded again.

  “Yes. And to see you.”

  I couldn’t shake the irritation. I didn’t need anyone butting into my business with the girls, and I certainly didn’t need someone who hadn’t been around in decades to tell me how to raise them.

  I was already so over-sensitive to all the things I might be doing wrong and his criticism didn’t help.

  What did he even know about life in Savannah anymore?

  “Maybe I should leave,” he said. “I didn’t mean to piss you off.”

  He moved to walk around the bed and picked up his t-shirt from the floor, sliding it on and taking even more of that delicious flesh away. I wanted to ask him to stay, but I couldn’t find the words.

  I’d known the moment he kissed me that this was a fleeting thing.

  Watching him walk out the front door again so soon after walking through it felt like a knife piercing my heart, but I endured it silently. I lifted my chin, swallowing my words.

  Swallowing my pride.

  “I’ll see you around, Rose,” he said, as he walked out.

  “See ya,” I managed to mumble, my heart crumbling to pieces in my chest.

  Chapter 30

  BLADE

  What the fuck just happened?

  My cells were still buzzing from receiving the most physical stimulation they’d had in decades, and within literally one hour, I’m back on my bike and roaring back down the road like some rejected asshole.

  I was furious.

  I was confused.

  I was fucking hurt, to be honest.

  She’d taken everything I said and twisted it. I didn’t tell her about the fucking list because I didn’t want to frighten her. I didn’t tell her I’d seen Maggie at the cemetery because I didn’t want to be a fucking snitch and get in their business.

  I certainly wasn’t accusing her of being a bad mother, for fuck’s sake.

  The wind rushed past me as I squeezed the throttle of the bike, the vibrations of the old clunker a little rougher than the beautiful Harley I’d restored back home.

  Home.

  This place wasn’t home anymore. I looked around at all the deceptive beauty around me — the trees, the moss, the water, the incredible architecture, the gardens, hell even the graveyards were immaculate and breathtaking, but underneath it all was a constant tension and unpleasantness — and to be blunt, shit just wasn’t real, it wasn’t as pretty as it looked.

  Just like Hank said the other night.

  And even Rose wasn’t home anymore. After that scene, I had no idea what she was.

  “Fuck!” I shouted, my helmet swallowing the sound.

  I hadn’t meant to make love to Rose. My god, I didn’t even expect to touch her at all. I cursed, thinking about how I told myself pointedly to keep my h
ands to myself, no hugs, don’t even shake her hand, I’d insisted before I’d knocked.

  And yet, within five minutes, I was buried so deep inside of her it wasn’t even funny.

  “Goddammit!” I shouted again. I rode aimlessly, emotions thundering through me, one after another, like I was getting shot with bullets with each wave. Denial, anger, acceptance, hurt, anger, anger, anger….

  Why would she assume the worst of me like that?

  Of course, she would, I thought finally. I’d up and left her like she was nothing to me. Up until that moment, I’d done nothing but worship the ground she walked on, and then I just left. And after that, not a peep.

  So, I’d not exactly shown her what a stand up guy I’d turned out to be.

  And jumping right into her bed like that probably didn’t help, either. I mean, I could have said no. I could have stopped things.

  Oh, who the fuck am I kidding?

  My body took over and that’s that. But so did hers.

  Fine, I’ll forgive us both for that — but the character assassination was totally uncalled for. Though not entirely unexpected, I suppose.

  Finally coming to terms with it all — acceptance, again, maybe — I headed over to the hospital. I’d texted Ryder earlier and made plans to meet him there and it was close to that time.

  I stopped at a convenience store and grabbed some cold water, doing my best to shake off my experience with Rose, and stop badgering myself for being so stupid. In most situations, I was completely in control, but the moment I realized I was alone with Rose, it stripped me bare of that usual armor I wore.

  I’d be more prepared next time, I told myself, as I put my helmet back on and drove over to the hospital, Rose’s angry eyes haunting me the entire way.